Under starters orders and the omens are off

I opened my daily paper this morning and whoa, if you excuse the pun, what was that headline that had just grabbed my attention? Hermitage could win The Burns Pet Nutrition handicap (class 4) in the 16.35 at
Ffos Las. I thought hold the reigns that must be an omen, as my wife, Marlene who usually nags me about the time and energy she spends working for Burns or as John Burns likes to say, my staff are having a lot of fun and get paid doing it, anyway Hermitage was now implanted in my brain as the winner, I phoned Marlene to tell her what I had seen in the paper and asked, did she have any inside info about the race?, I’ll call you back was her reply. There was nothing to report came her answer later, but she said, I had a look at the race field and the one thing I do know is that Hermitage struggled to finish last time out, but with the bit between my teeth, I’ll still stick to my omens thank you very much.


Horse racing is a bit like that, people have all sorts of ways of trying to get winners, following trainers, jockeys, owners or even reading the racing paper with all the facts and figures, weights, ages and when it last ran and what about the going is it soft, heavy good ? The most successful punters I keep hearing about over the years are what are termed housewives; Just look at the papers this Saturday (Grand National Day) and there is usually a horse that will be categorized as the housewives choice, and all those housewives will be running to the bookies with their 10 pence and it could cost the bookies millions if the so called housewives choice wins, somehow I don’t think so. There are many other ways to try and pick the elusive winner. People use the old chestnut I just fancied the name or number 8 is my lucky number or the jockey is in my favourite shade of pink and on many occasions I’ve heard, I backed it the last 3 times and it’s improving all the time it is sure to win one of these times. What about the chap in the know who always gets a phone call from someone who works in the stable and will tell you, the stable says the horse is trying, you just wish it was the horse that was speaking, and it’s worth sticking a couple of bob on the nose, but don’t tell too many people as it will alter the starting price!!. Where is that pin I used in the last race?

I remember when I started out in this horse racing betting, with some friends we visited the bookies in Darvel, the bookie in question was Locky Cox (John Cox to give him his name who was also the father of the Famous Glasgow Rangers player Sammy Cox), as we did not have too much knowledge about how to put a line on, they just used scrap paper then. I asked Big Jock White a Dervel worthy; can you double a horse with a dog? Jock was famous for his wit and quick as a flash he replied you can double a horse with a snotter as long as it’s running. A snotter if you don’t live in the west of Scotland is the foreign matter that comes out your nose. I recall another time when it was torrential rain, just about as heavy as it gets and entering the bookies soaked to the skin, saying to Jock who was studying form, that he should have a look outside at the rain, without even looking up from his paper his answer was, I have seen rain coming down for 40 years when it goes back up give me a shout.

It doesn’t get any easier when you go to the race course, on one occasion five of us were in the bar just before the last race, which had 6 runners, when this drunk lifted his head which had been slumped on the bar and slurred E Hide E Hide E Hide (who was a famous jockey then) to make sure we got the message. The five of us chose to ignore this “tip” what we decided was back the other five horses in the race. Now you have got it, E Hide came in with lengths to spare.

So just to sum up it’s a mugs game as they say and just out of interest “Hermitage” well it finished last and was backed favourite along with the winner, a definite change of strategy needed before I make an ass of myself.

Wait a minute is that a horse called housewives choice running in the next race? That must be an omen. Where’s my shirt?